malaise
məˈlāz/

A general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.

“a society afflicted by a deep cultural malaise”

Dear everyone,

A couple of weeks ago I had to go to the Doctors because I was having dizzying chest pains… I thought – Am I dying?… I joke but after a quick Google I realised it wasn’t a good thing. The Doctor was really helpful and explained that it was a physical reaction to stress… the pains started the day after Brexit.

Being completely self centred for a moment.. I genuinely thought I was struggling an abnormal amount with the state of the world at the moment. As an example I started weeping uncontrollably on the tube the morning after the most recent attack in Nice at the thought of those children who were never going to grow up. For every sad and awful thing I’ve read in the news over the years about suicide bombs, racist abuse and preventable deaths across the world – it’s struck a chord but rarely does it make me blub in public.

Then I read an article about the spike in people seeking professional help for depression, excessive drinking and reckless behaviour post-Brexit because they had what I can only describe as Reality Malaise – they want to escape or they are struggling with it. I know there have always been horrendous things going on all over the world which go completely and utterly unreported in our News but it just seems to be snowballing recently and I feel like life is getting a bit out of control. I think Brexit was just the cherry that tipped that ice-cream over the edge, I’ve not felt easy with the world for quite a long time but I just couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. I think I’m desperately saddened and disappointed by human behaviour.

Until yesterday I felt like Bridget Jones  turning up to the party and no one told me it wasn’t fancy dress – was I weird for giving so many shits? Why was everything having such a big impact on my daily life… let’s be honest in this day and age we are used to zoning out of the news distracting ourselves with Game of Thrones or Pokemon.

Then I realised.. we are never alone.

So to everyone else out there despairing at the state of the world, the inequality, the injustice, the atrocities, the economy, the future… to you I say, you’re not alone. Please enough with the racism, xenophobia, killing each other and downright disregard for people’s humanity.

Dear Everyone, I love you x